My grammar exercises 10

[Bassim]

Here are a few more sentences in which I have tried to use different verbs. Would you please correct my mistakes?

1. Many years ago, Peter was tricked by a conman who had sold him a purported permit for his market stall although no permit was needed.
2. I was at the party where I made the acquaintance of a large number of people. When I came outside, my pockets were bulging with visiting cards.
3. His recent divorce and financial difficulties have started to tell on him. His face was pale and his eyes bloodshot all the time.
4. Rays of sunlight spilled through the open window and tinged the room in golden yellow.
5. Private education in many countries is still the preserve of the middle and upper classes.
6. John felt as if he has spent the last years on a never-ending merry-go-round. His job was boring, low paid, and did not give him much spare time.
7. As Anna was walking home late in the evening, an owl hooted, and it gave her goosebumps. Behind her, leaves rustled and branches creaked. She panicked and wished to run, but her legs felt heavy like lead.
9. John felt that someone was in the room. An inner voice told him to duck, and as he did, he heard the shot, and the mirror above him exploded into shards.
10. Anna opened the window, and her eyes rested on a macabre procession down in the street: the Prime Minister and hundreds of members of parliament in shackles, in rags, and without shoes being led by a noisy crowd demanding justice and promising revenge.

 

[tedmc]

My comments:

1. ..who sold him (I think the past tense is more appropriate)

4. I prefer "beamed through" to "spilled through" which is associated with liquids.

6. ...lowly paid..

9. I prefer "shattered" to " exploded" which means something is forced out from within

10. ..her eyes was drawn to a...

...was being led by...

 

[Bassim]

tedmc,
Regarding 4. I think that sunlight also can spill. If I were writing a scientific text, I would probably write "beamed through," but if I were writing fiction I would try to use some other verb to describe sunlight coming through the window. "Spilled through" is appropriate in fiction.
Regarding 9. I think that "exploded into shards" accentuates the moment when the bullet hits the mirror.

 

[tedmc]

Bassim
You have your points. I agree they are subjective.
We'll see what others have to say as to which are more natural.

 

[tedmc]

Could we have some input on the things discussed from native speakers, please?

 

[bubbha]

1. Many years ago, Peter was tricked by a conman who had sold him a purported permit for his market stall although no permit was needed. OK

2. I was at the party where I made the acquaintance of a large number of people. When I came outside, my pockets were bulging with visiting cards. OK. However, I'm not familiar with the term "visiting card". I'm familiar with "business card" and "name card". There's also "calling card", but it's rather old-fashioned. My native language is American English.

3. His recent divorce and financial difficulties had started to take their toll on him. His face was pale and his eyes bloodshot all the time. (For tense consistency across both sentences, I changed the first sentence to past perfect because the second sentence is in the past tense. You could also keep the first sentence in the present perfect, and change the second sentence to the present tense ("His face is pale..."). I'm unfamiliar with the phrase "tell on him" in this sense; I think the phrase "take its/their toll" expresses your intended meaning appropriately.)

4. Rays of sunlight spilled through the open window and tinged the room in golden yellow. OK.

5. Private education in many countries is still the preserve of the middle and upper classes. OK.

6. John felt as if he had spent the last years on a never-ending merry-go-round. His job was boring, low paying, and did not give him much spare time.

7. As Anna was walking home late in the evening, an owl hooted, and it gave her goosebumps. Behind her, leaves rustled and branches creaked. She panicked and wished to run, but her legs felt heavy like lead. OK.

9. John felt that someone was in the room. An inner voice told him to duck, and as he did, he heard the shot, and the mirror above him exploded into shards. OK.

10. Anna opened the window, and her eyes rested on a macabre procession down in the street: the Prime Minister and hundreds of members of parliament in shackles, in rags, and without shoes being led by a noisy crowd demanding justice and promising revenge. OK.

Overall: very well done!

 

[tedmc]

Shouldn't "low paying" be hyphenated?

 

[bubbha]

"he had a low-paying job"
"his job was low paying"

(Some may disagree, but that's the rule I generally follow.)

 

[Tarheel]

The basketball game is getting ready to start, so I don't have much time right now.

For sentence one say:

Many years ago, Peter was tricked by a conman who sold him a permit for his market stall although no permit was required.

Light can spill through a window, but I don't see how it would make the room look yellow.

 

[Tarheel]

For sentence ten try:

Anna opened the window, and she saw a macabre procession. The Prime Minister and hundreds of members of Parliament were in shackles and surrounded by an angry mob. They were marching to a destination unknown.

 

[emsr2d2]

Shouldn't "low paying" be hyphenated?

"he had a low-paying job"
"his job was low paying"

(Some may disagree, but that's the rule I generally follow.)

In BrE, it's a "low-paid job".

 

[tedmc]

I think there is "highly paid job" and "lowly paid job".

 

[emsr2d2]

I hear "highly-paid" but not "lowly-paid". The latter sounds very odd to me, perhaps because of this meaning of "lowly" as an adjective, which is how it's normally used.