Plastic surgery has a negative impact

[Anna232]

The title of the essay is "Plastic surgery has a negative impact on people's health." I don't quite understand why it is given as a statement. But according to the assignment a student has to provide their ideas and either agree or disagree with it.
I posted two versions. I tried to correct A myself. B is a corrected one.


A. Plastic surgery is becoming more common many people choose it to change how they look or fix things they don't like about their apperance. However, I think plastic surgery has more negative sides than positive ones.
First and foremost, plastic surgery can affect mental health. Many people feel pressured by society and social media to turn to plastic surgery. But even after the procedure, some are still unhappy with how they look. This can cause a cycle of wanting more surgeries, which can harm their mental health. In addition, focusing too much on appearance can take away from what really matters, like being confident, kind and smart.

B. Despite the fact that plastic surgery is becoming more common, there are some aspects that have a negative impact on people's mental health. Many people feel intense pressure from society and the social media to turn to plastic surgery. However, a lot of people end up being disappointed with the results of the precedures they had gone through. As a result, they plan another plastic surgery and the disappointment and worry involved starts eating into their mental health. In addition, focusing on one's looks takes away attention from personal qualities such as confidence, kindness and intelligence that are much more important than a person's appearance.

 

[emsr2d2]

This isn't the first time you've posted two versions of the same text. I still don't understand why you do it or what you mean by "I tried to correct A myself" and "B is a corrected one".
Did you write both yourself? If so, why? If by "B is a corrected one" you mean "Someone else corrected B and this version contains their corrections", we need to know who corrected it.

You should post just one version - the version you believe you've written to the best of your ability - and then we'll comment and correct that one. Getting us to read and deal with two pieces is unnecessarily time-consuming.

 

[Anna232]

This isn't the first time you've posted two versions of the same text. I still don't understand why you do it or what you mean by "I tried to correct A myself" and "B is a corrected one".
Did you write both yourself? If so, why? If by "B is a corrected one" you mean "Someone else corrected B and this version contains their corrections", we need to know who corrected it.

Yes, I wrote both of them and I corrected them myself too.

You should post just one version - the version you believe you've written to the best of your ability - and then we'll comment and correct that one.

It is version B.

Getting us to read and deal with two pieces is unnecessarily time-consuming.

I remember one of the teachers on this forum advised me to try to make corrections myself first as it also saves teachers' time. I will write only one version from now on. I just thought it a good idea too to post a corrected version of the text.

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

Many people feel intense pressure to get plastic surgery.

You have introduced your subject and (hopefully) hooked the reader.

People were getting those kinds of procedures done before social media existed, so I don't know that I would blame social media too much. (Notice what word I didn't use )

Everybody wants to look good, don't they?

 

[emsr2d2]

I remember one of the teachers on this forum advised me to try to make corrections myself first as it also saves teachers' time. I will write only one version from now on. I just thought it a good idea too to post a corrected version of the text.

I don't think they meant for you to post both. I suspect the advice was that you write something, have a really good read through it and make any changes you spot on that read-through, and then post the finished product.

 

[Anna232]

I don't think they meant for you to post both. I suspect the advice was that you write something, have a really good read through it and make any changes you spot on that read-through, and then post the finished product.

I might have misunderstood. I will post only one. Sorry! :/

 

[Anna232]

Try:

Many people feel intense pressure to get plastic surgery.

You have introduced your subject and (hopefully) hooked the reader.

People were getting those kinds of procedures done before social media existed, so I don't know that I would blame social media too much. (Notice what word I didn't use )

Everybody wants to look good, don't they?

Thank you so much! Sorry, do you mean the rest is OK?

 

[emsr2d2]

The title of the essay is "Plastic surgery has a negative impact on people's health." I don't quite understand why it is given as a statement no full stop here but according to the assignment a student has to provide their ideas opinions and either agree or disagree with it.


Despite the fact that plastic surgery is becoming more common, there are some aspects that have a negative impact on people's mental health. Many people feel intense pressure from society and the social media to turn to plastic surgery. However, a lot of people end up being disappointed with the results of the procedures they had have undergone. through. As a result, they plan another even more plastic surgery and the disappointment and worry involved starts eating into adversely affecting their mental health. In addition, focusing on one's looks appearance takes away attention away from personal qualities such as confidence, kindness and intelligence, that which are much more important. than a person's appearance.

See above for my suggested changes. The title is presented as a statement because the full version would be "Plastic surgery has a negative impact on people's health. Discuss".

 

[Anna232]

See above for my suggested changes. The title is presented as a statement because the full version would be "Plastic surgery has a negative impact on people's health. Discuss".

Do such essays, if they are called essays require the same structure? I mean the topic sentence, supporting sentences and conclusion.

 

[emsr2d2]

Do such essays, if they are called essays, require the same structure? I mean the topic sentence, supporting sentences and conclusion.

The same structure as what?

Was that single sentence really the entire prompt for the essay?

 

[Anna232]

The same structure as what?

As opinion essays, for example.

Was that single sentence really the entire prompt for the essay?

Yes, that's why I was surprised.

 

[emsr2d2]

Where did you find the prompt?

 

[Anna232]

Where did you find the prompt?

In the book. But it is not mine. So I can't provide the screenshot. I have one screenshot from that book, which I can share. There is a list a list of phrases that the book suggests using including "finally" which I was actually advised against using in the essays.

 

[emsr2d2]

We don't need a screenshot. We just need the title and author. (To be honest, we should have asked for this right at the start - it's a legal requirement of the forum that you cite your sources.)

 

[Tarheel]

I mentioned this in other thread. There are twe kinds of plastic surgery. There is reconstructive surgery, and there is cosmetic surgery. You are talking about cosmetic surgery.

 

[Anna232]

See above for my suggested changes. The title is presented as a statement because the full version would be "Plastic surgery has a negative impact on people's health. Discuss".

I am sorry. Something must be wrong. I am trying to quote your post #8, but it doesn't work. I have a question about this sentence below. Is "surgery" used as an uncountable noun?
As a result, they plan another even more plastic surgery and the disappointment and worry involved starts eating into adversely affecting their mental health.

 

[5jj]

It is.