Please, is this essay good

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QUESTION: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditonal music of a country more important than international music?

Music is a vital part of many cultures, and there are various forms, such as hip-hop and reggae. I feel music is essential, not only because it is a valuable source of entertainment and relaxation, but also because it educates people about the culture of others. Moreover, I believe that a country's traditional music is more relevant than international music.

To begin with, listening to music helps people to relax and it also brings joy to them. Although some claim that entertainment and recreation are not necessary, it is obvious that we would find life more stressful and very boring without music. Research has revealed, for example, that when one listens to songs, hormones which reduce anxiety and cause pleasure get released from the brain, thereby leading to an improvement in mental well-being. Additionally, it is crucial that we learn about other cultures as it brings people together, and listening to music is one of the best ways to do this. This is because many would find it boring to read books to learn about the way of life of others, but songs are entertaining and contain much cultural information.

Considering that a country's traditional music embodies its culture and international songs are mainly consumed for enjoyment, local music is more valuable. Afrobeat artists, for instance, frequently sing about the religious beliefs and values of people in their country. Traditional music helps to preserve a nation's culture, preventing the loss of cultural identity. While some people discount the importance of ethnic identity, research has shown that it gives people feelings of belonging and security, making them more satisfied with life. Furthermore, the preservation of culture has the benefit of making it easier for people to bond. The reason for this is people are more likely to develop a strong relationship if they share the same values.

In conclusion, I think music is needed since it is important for entertainment, relaxation, and learning about other cultures. Also, since traditional music helps to preserve culture, it is of more relevance than international music
 
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jutfrank

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We don't tend to use the words good/bad to assess essays. It could be better and it could be worse.

Please amend your profile information.
 
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We don't tend to use the words good/bad to assess essays. It could be better and it could be worse.

Please amend your profile information.
I have done that. Please, could you check my essay??
 

probus

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"is the traditional music of a country is more important than international music?"

1. Always start a sentence with a capital letter.

2. Also, that is ungrammatical -- the second "is" should be deleted.

3. This seems to be homework and our policy is not to help with homework.
 
Joined
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"is the traditional music of a country is more important than international music?"

1. Always start a sentence with a capital letter.

2. Also, that is ungrammatical -- the second "is" should be deleted.

3. This seems to be homework and our policy is not to help with homework.
Sorry, I am preparing for IELTS. The first part is the question. I copied and pasted it; seems I didn't check it well. "Q" = question
 
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