[Essay] ...trotted towards...

[rodgers white]

Hi everyone, are there any mistakes or repetitions in this piece of writing? Any help will be appreciated.

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Before Gan could stop him, Yang was running towards Moogh, who trotted towards him too; Moogh nuzzled Yang with his big head while Yang patted and stroked Moogh in returned affection. Yang climbed onto Moogh’s back, and Moogh headed for the herd that grew nervous at the sight and smell of the human. JingYing asked Gan. “What’s Moogh doing”? Gan thought a moment. “I’m not sure, but, if I had to guess, I’d say he is introducing Yang to his herd, his wives”.

Weifeng, as promised, was helping Lanhua by carving the lines of Moogh and Yang deeper, her greater strength and experience doing the work much faster. Lanhua was asleep, exhausted after a day hard at work. Weifeng watched her sleeping, and noticed how like the mythical angels she looked, how angelic; smiling, she crawled into bed beside her, falling asleep almost immediately.

After circling and intertwining amongst his herd, Moogh trotted back to the others.Lili, Laohu, Gan and Jingying, crowded around Moogh, patting and stroking his head and body. Moogh tipped his head, and Yang dismounted. Yang was crying as he knew Moogh wouldn’t be coming back home and this was now his home and the herd his family. Jingying guessed his pain. “We, you, are still his family, son, just as you will still be ours when you eventually marry and leave us to make a home of your own.” Yang nodded through his tears. “I know, mom, I know”. The tears didn't stop for some time.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Hi everyone, are there any mistakes or repetitions in this piece of writing? Any help will be appreciated.

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Before Gan could stop him, Yang was running towards Moogh, who trotted towards him, too. Moogh nuzzled Yang with his big head while Yang patted and stroked Moogh in returned affection. Yang climbed onto Moogh’s back, and Moogh headed for the herd that grew nervous at the sight and smell of the human. Jingying asked Gan, “What’s Moogh doing”?

[AGAIN: Don't have two speakers in one paragraph.]
Gan thought a moment. “I’m not sure, but[STRIKE],[/STRIKE] if I had to guess, I’d say he is introducing Yang to his herd, his wives”.

Weifeng, as promised, was helping Lanhua by carving the lines [I don't know what "carving the lines" means] of Moogh and Yang deeper, her greater strength and experience letting her work much faster. Lanhua was asleep, exhausted after a day hard at work. Weifeng watched her sleeping [no comma] and noticed how like the mythical angels she looked, how angelic. Smiling, she crawled into bed beside her, falling asleep almost immediately.

After circling and mingling with his herd, Moogh trotted back to the others. [space] Lili, Laohu, Gan and Jingying, crowded around Moogh, patting and stroking his head and body. Moogh tipped his head, and Yang dismounted. Yang was crying, as he knew Moogh wouldn’t be coming back home. This was now his home and the herd his family. Jingying guessed his pain. “We, you, are still his family, son, just as you will still be ours when you eventually marry and leave us to make a home of your own.”

[Different speaker = different paragraph.] Yang nodded through his tears. “I know, Mom, I know”. The tears didn't stop for some time.

Avoid run-on sentences. Don't use commas or semicolons to create them.

 

[rodgers white]

Thank you very much for your patience. Could you please elaborate a little bit about the reason why you use 'mingle' instead of 'intertwine' and the differences between them?
By the way, what is the punctuation you gave after 'but' in the following sentence:
Gan thought a moment. “I’m not sure, but, if I had to guess, I’d say he is introducing Yang to his herd, his wives”.

 

[emsr2d2]

By the way, what is the punctuation you gave after 'but' in the following sentence:
Gan thought a moment. “I’m not sure, but, if I had to guess, I’d say he is introducing Yang to his herd, his wives”.

It's a comma. It's there in order to show that "if I had to guess" is extra information. Without it, and without the commas, the sentence would be absolutely fine as "I'm not sure but I'd say he is introducing Yang to his herd ...".

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Thank you very much for your patience. Could you please elaborate a little bit about the reason why you use 'mingle' instead of 'intertwine' and the differences between them?

I did it because intertwine is the wrong word. Vines, fingers, and threads can intertwine. If you look up the noun twine, you'll get it. People and animals don't intertwine. We mingle, mix, and rub shoulders, but we don't intertwine.

By the way, what is the punctuation you gave after 'but' in the following sentence:
Gan thought a moment. “I’m not sure, but, if I had to guess, I’d say he is introducing Yang to his herd, his wives”.

Oops. It's a comma, and don't know why I put it there. Maybe I was aiming for another spot and dropped it in the wrong spot. Sorry!

Now you know!