Unemployment results from many factors. [Causes]

ambitious-girl

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Could someone please check following paragraph?

Unemployment results from many factors. When a country is suffering from deep recession, the price of fuel, transportation and raw materials will go up, so people may struggle to afford to buy their basic necessities such as food, clothing, etc., as frequently as they did/do. In this way, some businesses, firms and organizations will have to cut back on production or even will go out of business, leading to firing or laying off their workforce. Population growth is believed to be the second most important reason. In that case/This means that there will be much more workers than the labor market demands are. Consequently, even though skilled and specialized workers are willing and capable of doing work, there are not enough employment vacancies, which will bring about/result it unemployment.
 
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tedmc

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Could someone please check following paragraph?

Unemployment [STRIKE]results from[/STRIKE] is due to many factors. When a country i[STRIKE]s suffering[/STRIKE]is hit by a [STRIKE]deep[/STRIKE] recession, the prices of fuel, transportation and raw materials [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] go up, so people [STRIKE]may[/STRIKE] struggle[STRIKE] to afford[/STRIKE] to [STRIKE]buy[/STRIKE] pay for the[STRIKE]ir[/STRIKE] basic necessities such as food, clothing, etc., [STRIKE]as frequently as they did/do[/STRIKE] and have to cut down on their expenditures thus reducing the demand for goods. [STRIKE]In this way[/STRIKE] As a result, some businesses, firms and organizations [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] have to cut back on production or even [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] go out of business, leading to [STRIKE]firing [/STRIKE] dismissal [STRIKE]or [/STRIKE]and laying off[STRIKE] their workforce[/STRIKE] of staff.

Population growth is[STRIKE] believed to be [/STRIKE]the second most important reason.[STRIKE] In that case/This means that[/STRIKE] there [STRIKE]will be[/STRIKE] During a recession, there are [STRIKE]much[/STRIKE] a lot more workers than the [STRIKE]labor market demands are[/STRIKE] there are jobs available. Consequently, even though there are skilled [STRIKE]and specialized[/STRIKE] workers[STRIKE] are[/STRIKE] willing and capable of doing work, there are not enough[STRIKE] employment vacancies[/STRIKE] jobs for them, [STRIKE]which will bring about/result it [/STRIKE] resulting in widespread unemployment.
.
 

ambitious-girl

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Thanks Tedmc. I appreciate your help. It was so helpful. You have also suggested some great phrases that I liked most.

I have some questions regarding underlined and bold parts:

1) Don't you think that "their" should be remained in the context?
2) Isn't the phrase "in this way" and "as a result" equivalent in this context?
3) I think you forgot to cross the bold words. What is your idea?



Unemployment is due to many factors. When a country is hit by a recession, the prices of fuel, transportation and raw materials go up, so people struggle pay for their basic necessities such as food, clothing, etc., and have to cut down on their expenditures thus reducing the demand for goods. In this way/ As a result, some businesses, firms and organizations have to cut back on production or even go out of business, leading to dismissal and laying off of staff. Population growth is the second most important reason. There during a recession, there are a lot more workers than the there are jobs available. Consequently, even though there are skilled workers willing and capable of doing work, there are not enough jobs for them, resulting in widespread unemployment.
 

teechar

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Before we look at the English, why do you say that a recession leads to price increases? I'm not an economist, but is that actually true?
 

ambitious-girl

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I'm not an economist, but is that actually true?
Yes. It is true. I got that information in a site related to economic and recession.

https://www.____.com

Also, since sanction, my country has experienced a deep recession. Because the price of oil goes down, the government can't export as much oil as it used to do. As a result, the prices of things including fuel, transportation, goods etc., are more and more increasing.
 
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tedmc

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Thanks Tedmc. I appreciate your help. It was so helpful. You have also suggested some great phrases that I liked most.

I have some questions regarding underlined and bold parts:

1) Don't you think that "their" should [STRIKE]be[/STRIKE] remain[STRIKE]ed[/STRIKE] in the context? It could remain or could be deleted.
2) Isn't the phrase "in this way" and "as a result" [STRIKE]equivalent[/STRIKE] appropriate in this context? "As a result" is OK, or "consequently/thus", but not "in this way"
3) I think you forgot to cross the bold words. What is your idea? You are right; they should have been deleted.



Unemployment is due to many factors. When a country is hit by a recession, the prices of fuel, transportation and raw materials go up, so people struggle pay for their basic necessities such as food, clothing, etc., and have to cut down on their expenditures thus reducing the demand for goods. In this way/ As a result, some businesses, firms and organizations have to cut back on production or even go out of business, leading to dismissal and laying off of staff. Population growth is the second most important reason. There during a recession, there are a lot more workers than the there are jobs available. Consequently, even though there are skilled workers willing and capable of doing work, there are not enough jobs for them, resulting in widespread unemployment.
.
 
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teechar

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Yes. It is true. I got that information [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] from a site related to economics and that talks about recessions.
Not at all! That site is for an essay-writing service. :shock: :cry:

Also, since the imposition of sanctions, my country has experienced a deep recession.
I can understand that.

Because the price of oil [STRIKE]goes[/STRIKE] went down, the government [STRIKE]can't[/STRIKE] hasn't been able to export as much oil as it used to do.
I'm not sure I see the logic here.

As a result, the prices of things including fuel, transportation, goods etc., are [STRIKE]more and more[/STRIKE] increasing.
Again, I don't see the connection.
 

ambitious-girl

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I'm not sure I see the logic here.
I cannot explain well in English, because I need to have knowledge of economy. Also, I don't have enough vocabulary relating to this area. However, I find this in a site as a main reason of prices being increased:

Sanctions imposed on Iran over its nuclear program have pushed the country into recession. Crude oil exports have dropped sharply, the Iranian rial has greatly plummeted and inflation has soared in 2012.


In my country, the price of everything, everything is increasing monthly or even weekly. For example, I often buy a specific hand cream in a drugstore. For the first time , it was 10$. Then next month after that, I bought it in 12$. This month I have bought it in 16$. I am sure for the next moth it will be 18$. When I ask why? they just say "because of sanction and then inflation". One of the Iranian daily routines is to check the rate of dollar against rial. We all get really stressed when dollar is continuing to rise, especially if you are a student, you can't migrate to study abroad anymore, because it will cost too much money that most families can't pay for them.

Although you might think that "18$" is a reasonable price, our average salary is really low, and when we want to convert "Dollar" to "Rial" it will cost too much to pay for it.
 
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teechar

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I think we're talking about two things here- the sanctions and the drop in oil prices. Those are not (necessarily) related to each other. You should discuss them as individual (separate) factors that contribute to unemployment. Are you trying to write a paragraph or a whole essay? What is the prompt (essay question) you're working with?
 

ambitious-girl

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I think we're talking about two things here- the sanctions and the drop in oil prices. Those are not (necessarily) related to each other.
Yes, they are not always related to each other. In my essay, I don't talk about sanction. I just give an example to show you that sanctions result in inflation or recession which causes prices to be increased.

No, I just wanted to write a paragraph.

My essay was about "What are the causes of unemployment?"
 
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emsr2d2

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Was there no question mark at the end of that essay prompt?
 

teechar

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No, I just wanted to write a paragraph.

My essay was about "What are the causes of unemployment?"
So, are you trying to write one body paragraph or an introduction to that essay? If it's just one body paragraph, what is the theme of that paragraph?
 

ambitious-girl

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It is not an essay actually. I am practicing writing paragraphs and then developing them. I think right now I can't write a complete essay, because first I need to write more and more paragraphs to be able to write 300-word essays. That's why these days I prefer to write just one paragraph. It is just a body paragraph about what causes unemployment to occur.
 

teechar

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Okay, let's start with writing an appropriate topic sentence for that paragraph. Note that unemployment does not "occur". That's the wrong verb there. Unemployment can rise, fall, increase, decrease, etc. Do a bit of research and try to work out how to phrase a sentence using "unemployment" and "factors". Post below.
 

ambitious-girl

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Note that unemployment does not "occur". That's the wrong verb there. Unemployment can rise, fall, increase, decrease, etc.
Sorry teechar. I translated to my own language. I often have this problem. :-?

Do a bit of research and try to work out how to phrase a sentence using "unemployment" and "factors". Post below.
There are some factors contributing to unemployment.
OR
There are some determining factors increasing unemployment.
 

teechar

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Sorry teechar. I translated it [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] directly from my own language. I often have this problem. :-?


[STRIKE] There are some[/STRIKE] Several factors can contribute [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] to (a rise in) unemployment.
[STRIKE]OR
There are some determining factors increasing unemployment.[/STRIKE]

See above.
 

ambitious-girl

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Teechar, is the following OK too?
Several factors can contribute to rising unemployment.

I used "rising" as an adjective here, because the verb 'rise' is intransitive.
For example, the country faces economic recession and rising unemployment.
 
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teechar

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Teechar, is the following OK too?
Several factors can contribute to rising unemployment.
Yes, that's possible.

I used "rising" as an adjective here, because the verb 'rise' is intransitive.
For example, the country faces economic recession and rising unemployment.
That's fine too. Note that in my sentence above, "rise" is a noun.
 
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