[Grammar] We celebrate by jumping on a fire-breathing mantis and burning some bad sorts.

[kadioguy]

(From a magazine called Retro Gamer)

ULTIMATE GUIDE

Golden Axe: The Revenge of Death Adder

You wait almost 30 years for a home conversion of Golden Axe: The Revenge of Death Adder to come along, and then two arrive at the same time. We celebrate by jumping on a fire-breathing mantis and burning some bad sorts.

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Why is the blue text in the present simple? Can the following be applied to my question here?

jutfrank: To give you a simple, specific, and superficial rule of usage: if you're a journalist writing an introduction to an article, use the present simple. (https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/...ve-trying-circumstances?p=1587628#post1587628)

But why? Being vivid and having dramatic effect? Is it the historical present/narrative present?
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(Source)

 

[emsr2d2]

It's a play on the phrase "You wait ages for a bus and then three come along at once" (BrE). The present simple is used to express a habitual action.

 

[kadioguy]

But I found this style is usual in the magazine: :-?

 

[GoesStation]

Compare the magazine's subtitles with A.A. Milnes's chapter names:

1. In Which We Are Introduced to Winnie-the-Pooh and Some Bees and the Stories Begin
2. In Which Pooh Goes Visiting and Gets Into a Tight Place
3. In Which Pooh and Piglet Go Hunting and Nearly Catch a Woozle
4. In Which Eeyore Loses A Tail and Pooh Finds One
5. In Which Piglet Meets a Heffalump

 

[kadioguy]

Compare the magazine's subtitles with A.A. Milnes's chapter names:

1. In Which We Are Introduced to Winnie-the-Pooh and Some Bees and the Stories Begin
2. In Which Pooh Goes Visiting and Gets Into a Tight Place
3. In Which Pooh and Piglet Go Hunting and Nearly Catch a Woozle
4. In Which Eeyore Loses A Tail and Pooh Finds One
5. In Which Piglet Meets a Heffalump

Yeah, they look very similar. So what does that mean? I assume that it is a historical present/narrative present in both, to be vivid and have dramatic effect. Is that right?

 

[tedmc]

I think it is not so much about something happening habitually but rather to portray a scenario where one imagines himself to be in. The simple present tense gives a sense of immediacy to the reader compared to the simple past which sounds more distant with the time lapse.

 

[kadioguy]

I think it is not so much about something happening habitually but rather to portray a scenario where one imagines himself to be in. The simple present tense gives a sense of immediacy to the reader compared to the simple past which sounds more distant with the time lapse.

What do you think about the present simple in A.A. Milnes's chapter names?

 

[emsr2d2]

What do you think about the present simple in A.A. Milnes's chapter names?

Genius, just like the entirety of the Winnie-the-Pooh series. I won't have a word said against the books. They're my favourite books in the world. I still have the ones I was given when I was about six years old and I read them at least once a year.

If you're talking grammatically, the simple present makes perfect sense. Think of them as a shortened version of, for example, "You are about to read a chapter in which Pooh and Piglet go hunting and nearly catch a Woozle".

 

[kadioguy]

Thank you all. Now I'll boldly make conclusions about the questions:

1. (In post #1)

You wait almost 30 years for a home conversion of Golden Axe: The Revenge of Death Adder to come along, and then two arrive at the same time. We celebrate by jumping on a fire-breathing mantis and burning some bad sorts.
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For the blue text, I go with tedmc: the simple present tense gives a sense of immediacy to the reader, to portray a scenario where one imagines himself to be in. And for the red text, I go with emsr2d2: it expresses a habitual action.
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2. (In post #3)

We embrace blocky polys and jagged edges as we talk to the developers bringing back the often maligned early 3D-style of the original PlayStation to discover how they are trying to unlock its untapped potential
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For this case, I think that the red text in the present simple is used for things that are always true. The event happens the same way at any time in the contexts.
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3. (In post #4)

A.A. Milnes's chapter names:

In Which We Are Introduced to Winnie-the-Pooh and Some Bees and the Stories Begin

In Which Pooh Goes Visiting and Gets Into a Tight Place

In Which Pooh and Piglet Go Hunting and Nearly Catch a Woozle

In Which Eeyore Loses A Tail and Pooh Finds One

In Which Piglet Meets a Heffalump
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I think the present simple is used here like the one in post #3, for things that are always true. Whenever we read the book, the events happen the same way. What is written in the book never changes.
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I hope that I wasn't overthinking. What do you think?