Write a Formal Letter (please give me a feedback or suggestion thanks)

[hadist134]

Dear all readers, i just need a help about my letter which i will send to my professor about accepting a scholarship. What do you think of my letter, since i'm not good in English and still learning.

This is my letter:

Dear Professor KJ,

Greetings
Thanks for your email. Its an honor for me to accept this opportunity. I hope i can fulfill excellent learning and study in your university. Your guidance is very worthwhile for me.

Many thanks and kind regards,

hadist134.



thats all, if you have a suggestion or feedback atleast one word, i really gratefully.

 

[Leandro-Z]

Dear all readers, i just need a help about my letter which i will send to my professor about accepting a scholarship. What do you think of my letter, since i'm not good in English and still learning.

This is my letter:

Dear Professor KJ,

[STRIKE]Greetings[/STRIKE][STRIKE]
[/STRIKE]Thanks for your email. Its a[STRIKE]n[/STRIKE] honor for me to [STRIKE]accept[/STRIKE] take advantage of this opportunity. I hope [STRIKE]i [/STRIKE] I can fulfill excellent learning and study in your university. Your guidance is very worthwhile for me.

[STRIKE]Many[/STRIKE] thanks and kind regards,

hadist134.



thats all, if you have a suggestion or feedback atleast one word, i really gratefully.

I don`t know exactly which composition are you trying to write. It is too short. I could begin like this:


Dear Professor Name,

In this occassion I am writing in response to your last email. It was a pleasure to hear from you again.

First of all, it is a honor for me to take advantage of this good opportunity to resume my studies. I am really enthusiastic to fulfill excellent results and to complete my learning successfully in your university. I am telling you this beacause I find your guidance extremely worthwhile.

I look forward to receiveng your reply. Whithout anything else to say, I greet you.

Yours,
Name

I think it is a semi-formal letter because you already know him but he is an elder person and a professor. So, there are more appropriate ways to express what you want to say.

Hope this will be of help...