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Frenk969

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Hello everybody! Firs of all, I'd like to say I'm new on this website. That said, I'd like somebody to read my article and give me some feedback. I have to specify that I've been using 'Write and Improve', an online website based on Cambridge Assessments where there're lots of piece of writings to write. I've written some, and my level, according to their evaluation, should be C1/C2. Now, I clearly don't know how trustful it is, but I feel quit confident. Anyway, below I'm going to paste my latest piece of writing.

Mobile Phones’ Addicted
Have mobile phones changed our lives? Of course they have, but how? The number of kids having a mobile phone is increasingly rising. Once, they were mainly used to contact other people; today, instead, we tend to use it for utterly different bunch of things. Some people get overwhelmed by telephone and cannot stop using it - this is what is commonly known as addiction. Would you like to have further information on this subject to know if you are one of those addicted and what you're risking? Read below and find it out.


Certainly, its utility is undeniable: provided one has the latest model, there’re plenty of things one can use it for: from basic stuff like surfing on the Net to advanced things. As if this wasn’t enough, what once was mainly used to communicate, now has no limits, since it gets often upgraded unlocking and providing users with brand-new applications, and generally speaking more possibilities.


Are there only advantages? The answer is no, there’re disadvantages as well: what do they consist of? It depends on how we use it: used properly, there’s no problem. But, relying completely on it can result in getting obsessed, which basically means spending our precious time online, maybe doing useless things. What is allarming is the relationship between phone abuse and anxiety. Last but not least, when kept close to the body for a long time, phones raise the risk of skin cancer -information not spread by phones’ companies, since seales would decrease. Last but not least, when kept close to the body for a long time, phones raise the risk of skin cancer -information not spread by phones’ companies, since seales would decrease.


Generally speaking, it’s normal nowadays to use a mobile. Wouldn’t we be surprised otherwise? Unless you overuse it, there’s not a real threat, as far as we know. Anyway, perhaps the truth lies in the middle ground: a certain level of caution would be vital, since better safe than sorry!
 

emsr2d2

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Did you make up the essay title or did you find it somewhere? It's incorrect. I would expect "Mobile Phone Addiction", "Mobile Phone Addicts?" or "Are We Addicted to Our Mobile Phones?"
 
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Frenk969

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I made it. I tried to create an outstanding title rather than a normal one, and consequently, I end up making a foolish mistake. Anyway, would you mind giving me your opinion on it about grammar, accuracy and coherent? I tried to be as consistent with the main ideas as I possibly could, but I have to admit to having some problems to do it, especially when it comes to write article, since my tendency to write essays affects my writing style.
 

teechar

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Hello everybody! First of all, I'd like to say I'm new on this website. That said, I'd like somebody to read my article and give me some feedback. I have to specify that I've been using 'Write and Improve', an online website based on Cambridge Assessments where [STRIKE]there're[/STRIKE] there are lots of [STRIKE]piece of[/STRIKE] writing exercises. [STRIKE]s to write.[/STRIKE] I've [STRIKE]written[/STRIKE] done some, and my level, according to their evaluation, should be C1/C2. Now, I clearly don't know how trustworthy they are, [STRIKE]trustful it is,[/STRIKE] but I feel quite confident. Anyway, below I'm going to paste my latest piece of writing.

Mobile Phone Addiction
Have mobile phones changed our lives? Of course they have, but how? The number of kids [STRIKE]having[/STRIKE] with a mobile phone is [STRIKE]increasingly[/STRIKE] always rising. Once, they were mainly used to contact other people, but today, [STRIKE]instead,[/STRIKE] we tend to use [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] mobiles for [STRIKE]utterly[/STRIKE] completely different [STRIKE]bunch of[/STRIKE] things. Some people even get glued to [STRIKE]overwhelmed by telephone[/STRIKE] their smartphones and cannot stop using them [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] - this is what is commonly known as addiction. Would you like to have further information on this subject to know if you are one of those addicted and what you're risking? Read below and find [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] out.

Certainly, [STRIKE]its utility[/STRIKE] the usefulness of smartphones is undeniable. Provided one has the latest model, [STRIKE]there’re[/STRIKE] there are plenty of things one can use it for, from basic stuff like surfing on the Net to advanced things such as ??.
In fact, there are countless applications that people can download and use on their phones.
[STRIKE]As if this wasn’t enough, what once was mainly used to communicate, now has no limits, since it gets often upgraded unlocking and providing users with brand-new applications, and generally speaking more possibilities.
[/STRIKE]

Are there only advantages to smartphones? The answer is no. [STRIKE]there’re[/STRIKE] There are disadvantages as well. [STRIKE]: what do they consist of? It depends on how we use it: used properly, there’s no problem. But,[/STRIKE] For example, [STRIKE]relying completely on it can result in[/STRIKE] some people get [STRIKE]ting[/STRIKE] obsessed with their phones, which basically means spending [STRIKE]our[/STRIKE] precious time online, maybe doing useless things. What is alarming is the relationship between excessive phone [STRIKE]ab[/STRIKE] use and anxiety. Last but not least, when kept close to the body for a long time, phones [STRIKE]raise[/STRIKE] increase the risk of skin cancer - information not spread by phone companies, since sales would decrease. [STRIKE]Last but not least, when kept close to the body for a long time, phones raise the risk of skin cancer -information not spread by phones’ companies, since seales would decrease.[/STRIKE]

Generally speaking, [STRIKE]it’s normal nowadays to use a mobile. Wouldn’t we be surprised otherwise?[/STRIKE] unless you overuse your phone, [STRIKE]it,[/STRIKE] there’s not much to worry about, [STRIKE]a real threat,[/STRIKE] as far as we know. Anyway, perhaps the truth lies in the middle ground: a certain level of caution would be vital, [STRIKE]since[/STRIKE] and as they say, better safe than sorry!
.
 

teechar

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You have some good ideas, but you just need to express them in a simpler and more direct way. Are you preparing for a particular test?
 
F

Frenk969

Guest
Hello! Yes, I've been preparing for Cae. To be honest, I haven't paid the fee yet, so theoretically I am not 'forced' to do the exam. Anyway, I'd like to do it by the end of the year, since I've been working on Grammar for 8 months ( I shouldn't be making many mistakes on this, at least I assume so.) It goes without saying that writing is just one of the 5 skills I would be tested. Everyday I do some kind of activity related to the test to keep enhancing my English. Unfortunately, during all this months of grammar 'crash course' I left writing and other things back. Now, therefore, I have to get down to some hard work. On the other hand, I've been looking my dictionary up to interesting words, and once I've divided them into groups, I study them. Just imagine doing this for all letters of alphabet...plus idioms and phrasal verbs. Now, I clearly understand your question was more concise and on a different topic - partially - but I had to make my 'situation' clear. Hope I did. I'd like to thank you for your help.
 

teechar

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Hello! Yes, I've been preparing for the CAE exam. To be honest, I haven't paid the fee yet, so theoretically, I [STRIKE]am not 'forced'[/STRIKE] do not have to do the exam. Anyway, I'd like to do it by the end of the year. Since I've been working on grammar for 8 months, I shouldn't be making so many mistakes; [STRIKE]on this,[/STRIKE] at least I assume so. It goes without saying that writing is just one of the 5 skills I would be tested on. Everyday, I do some kind of activity related to the test to keep enhancing my English. Unfortunately, during all [STRIKE]this[/STRIKE] these months of grammar intensive study, [STRIKE]'crash course'[/STRIKE] I've neglected [STRIKE]left[/STRIKE] writing and other aspects. [STRIKE]things back.[/STRIKE] Now, therefore, I have to get down to some hard work. On the other hand, I've been looking up interesting words in my dictionary [STRIKE]up to interesting words,[/STRIKE] and once I've divided them into groups, I study them. Just imagine doing this for all the letters of the alphabet! [STRIKE]..plus[/STRIKE] I've also been learning idioms and phrasal verbs. Now, I clearly understand your question was [STRIKE]more concise and on a different topic - partially -[/STRIKE] focused on a different point, but I had to make my situation clear. I hope I did. I'd like to thank you for your help.
I'm not sure if what you're doing (learning "interesting" words from the dictionary) is all that useful towards your goal of passing the CAE test. If I were you, I would get some test materials, including past papers, and focus solely on that. Doing the various CAE exercises/past papers will undoubtedly also help you improve your grammar and vocabulary.
 
F

Frenk969

Guest
Being a professor, you're certainly right. I've looking for interesting words because I felt I needed to increase my vocabulary.
 

teechar

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[STRIKE]Being a professor,[/STRIKE] You're certainly right. I've been looking for interesting words because I felt I needed to increase my vocabulary.
See my suggestions in your other thread.
 
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