Emily carried the logs inside the house

Status
Not open for further replies.

alpacinou

Key Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Persian
Home Country
Iran
Current Location
Iran
Is this correct and natural?

Emily carried the logs inside the house and put them in the fireplace. Pouring ethanol over the logs, she tossed a match onto them. Orange-blue flames rose with a faint whoosh. Outside, snow was cascading down as fire began to crackle. She grabbed her book and sat by the hearth. She rubbed the book over her smooth cheeks, inhaling its scent, turning the pages and enjoying their soothing rustle.

Emily had been drowning in a vortex of self-destruction when she realized no one was coming to her rescue. One afternoon, she grabbed all the heroin she had and flushed it down the toilet. Now the book became her heroin. The book. Staring into the fireplace, she smiled, letting the heat warm her cheeks. She'd been miserable for so long that she'd forgotten she could be something else too. She wondered if the heroin-high hazy life she'd left behind would one day come back to haunt her but for now she might as well grab all the joy she could while she could.
 
From a safety point of view, I don't think you should be encouraging anyone to start a fire indoors by pouring ethanol over anything and then throwing a match onto it. That's a disaster waiting to happen.
 
Last edited:
From a safety point of view, I don't think you should be encouraging anyone to start a fire indoors by pouring ethanol over anything and then throwing a match onto it. That's a disaster waiting to happen.

I see your point. This is a fireplace, though. What can I put instead of ethanol that is less dangerous? Is there a name for the gels they use for that?

Other than that, am I okay in terms of vocabulary and grammar and being natural-sounding?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Is this correct and natural?

Emily carried the logs [STRIKE]inside[/STRIKE] into the house and put them in the fireplace. [STRIKE]Pouring[/STRIKE] After pouring ethanol over the logs, she tossed a match onto them. Orange-blue flames rose with a faint whoosh. Outside, snow [STRIKE]was cascading[/STRIKE] cascaded down as the fire began to crackle. She grabbed her book and sat by the hearth.

She rubbed the book over her smooth cheeks, inhaling its scent, turning the pages and enjoying their soothing rustle. This is a confusing sentence. She can't smell a book with her cheeks. She can't have been turning the pages while rubbing the book on her face.

Emily had been drowning in a vortex of self-destruction [STRIKE]when[/STRIKE] since she realized no one was coming to her rescue. One afternoon, she grabbed all the heroin she had and flushed it down the toilet. Now the book [STRIKE]became[/STRIKE] had become her heroin. The book. Staring into the fireplace, she smiled, letting the heat warm her cheeks. She'd been miserable for so long that she'd forgotten she could be [STRIKE]something[/STRIKE] anything else. [STRIKE]too.[/STRIKE] She wondered if the heroin-high hazy life she'd left behind would one day come back to haunt her but, for now, she might as well grab all the joy she could while she could.

See above. (I've left in your potentially lethal method of lighting a fire.)
 
Thank you very much.

Could you please check this too?

She rubbed her nose over the book, inhaling its scent. She then opened it, turning the pages and enjoying their soothing rustle.

Emily had been drowning in a vortex of self-destruction injecting the days and nights away. She realized no one was coming to her rescue and pulled herself back from the abyss.
 
She [STRIKE]rubbed her nose over the book, inhaling its[/STRIKE] inhaled the [pick an adjective] scent of the book, [STRIKE]She[/STRIKE] then opened it, turning the pages and enjoying their soothing rustle.

Emily had been drowning in a vortex of self-destruction, injecting the days and nights away. She eventually realized no one was coming to her rescue and pulled herself back from the abyss.

See above.
 
She [STRIKE]rubbed her nose over the book, inhaling its [/STRIKE]inhaled the [pick an adjective] scent of the book, then opened it, turning the pages and enjoying their soothing rustle.

Emily had been drowning in a vortex of self-destruction, injecting the days and nights away. She eventually realized no one was coming to her rescue and pulled herself back from the abyss.

You are one hell of a teacher.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Which one is better?

1. The aromatic scent of the book

2. The nostalgic scent of the book

3. The woody scent of the book
 
Which one is better?

1. The aromatic scent of the book

2. The nostalgic scent of the book

3. The woody scent of the book

Which do you prefer? How do you think books smell? Note that there isn't a universally accepted description of the smell of books.
 
How do you inject days and nights? What does that mean?
 
In the context of drug-taking, I think it works.
 
Oh yes! Heroin was mentioned, wasn't it? Well, for people who are slow (like me) I might be more specific. (Thankfully, I haven't had that experience.)
 
I'm wondering how long it's been since she got clean. A long time? Recently? How recently?
 
I watched the video. Funny thing. It didn't say anything about using ethanol or any other kind of starter fluid. Hm.

For the life of me, I can't work out if you're being sarcastic with that comment!! In case any learners are confused about the video, I posted it specifically to show the OP that there is no place for ethanol or any other potentially dangerous starter fluid when lighting a fire in an indoor fireplace. The newspaper and the kindling are key to a successful fire. Once a match is taken to them, if you've built the fire properly, it will catch and burn as it should.
 
I'll always be grateful to the Boy Scouts. They taught me how to tie knots, build and start fires, and (believe it or not) chop down trees. Yes, folks, we had so many trees in Canada we taught young lads how to cut them down, indiscriminately.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top