[General] History of Karbala

[Narkises]

Hello,

I am translating a real story to English. I need your help and corrections. As I do it little by little, I send you a little each time.
Thank you in advance.

"Hello and Salavat to the caravan which is approaching Hussain's Karbala (it's a place) every moment.
After 40 days of estrangement, separation, pain, wound, scourge, threat and insult, the caravan is coming back to Karbala; an exultant caravan which is not similar to when it left Karbala, at all."

:shock:

 

[Narkises]

".... A caravan which has uncovered Bani-ommaya's conspiracies and now is coming back to Karbala exultantly and successfully; so that it reassures the pledge it made for blood of oppressed martyrs; and so that it sends us an important message. And the condition of companionship is passing to the end of path. Arbayaen (means the fortieth day after the distaster) means completion and perfection."

 

[Tarheel]

Hello,

I am translating a real story to English. I need your help and corrections. As I do it little by little, I send you a little each time.
Thank you in advance.

"Hello and Salavat to the caravan which is approaching Hussain's Karbala (it's a place) every moment.
After 40 days of estrangement, separation, pain, wound, scourge, threat and insult, the caravan is coming back to Karbala; an exultant caravan which is not similar to when it left Karbala, at all."

:shock:

You should delete "every moment". Then (next sentence) put a period (full stop) after "Karbala". Then say:

It is an exultant caravan....

 

[Tarheel]

".... A caravan which has uncovered Bani-ommaya's conspiracies and now is coming back to Karbala exultantly and successfully; so that it reassures the pledge it made for blood of oppressed martyrs; and so that it sends us an important message. And the condition of companionship is passing to the end of path. Arbayaen (means the fortieth day after the distaster) means completion and perfection."

1. What is supposed to go where the ellipsis is?
2. Say "affirms" instead of "reassures".
3. It affirms the pledge it made to....
4. Say:

..it brings us an important message.
5. ?

 

[Narkises]

Please suggest a substitution for "every moment". I mean moment by moment the caravan is approaching Karbala.

 

[Narkises]

1. What is supposed to go where the ellipsis is?
2. Say "affirms" instead of "reassures".
3. It affirms the pledge it made to....
4. Say:

..it brings us an important message.
5. ?

What do you mean by number 1 and 5? You didn't type any numbers in my text. :shock:

 

[Tarheel]

When you say the caravan is approaching Karbala you are saying it is moving in the direction of Karbala. If you put "moment by moment" in there that doesn't add anything.

 

[Narkises]

"The condition of companionship is passing to the end of path."
This sentence is really strange. Please restate it.
I want to say that...
For a companionship, we should do lots of things, and one of the rules(or conditions) is comanying and being with that person for ever and until the end of the way! I mean you shouldn't leave him/her after some time, in the middle of the way.

Now, please improve the sentence.

 

[Tarheel]

What do you mean by number 1 and 5? You didn't type any numbers in my text. :shock:

You have an ellipsis before "A caravan". You probably should delete the ellipsis and start the sentence thus: "The caravan....

I couldn't understand much of the last part, so I didn't have any comments.

 

[Tarheel]

"The caravan is approaching Karbala" is sufficient.

I will sleep on this one, and I might have more ideas in the morning.

 

[Narkises]

You have an ellipsis before "A caravan". You probably should delete the ellipsis and start the sentence thus: "The caravan....

I couldn't understand much of the last part, so I didn't have any comments.

Oh, ignore the ellipsis; I will delete it in the final text. I only wanted to show that that post is the rest of the previous post.

I explained my intention of writing the last part. Find it above.

 

[Narkises]

"The caravan is approaching Karbala" is sufficient.

I will sleep on this one, and I might have more ideas in the morning.

Thank you. Sweet dreams! :hi::hi:

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

After 40 days of estrangement, separation, pain, wounds, scourges, threats and insults....

It's probably because there is usually more than one of each that you usually see "threats and insults".

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

Excitement mounts as they approach Karbala. (There is still a day's journey, but they can see it in the distance.)

 

[Narkises]

Perhaps:

Excitement mounts as they approach Karbala. (There is still a day's journey, but they can see it in the distance.)

Ha? No, it wasn't an exciting journey. Also, it was not a day's journey. It lasted 40 days (Arvayean= 40th day).

Forget about "every moment". I deleted it. Please rewrite the last strange part.

 

[Narkises]

"The condition of companionship is passing to the end of path."
This sentence is really strange. Please restate it.
I want to say that...
For a companionship, we should do lots of things, and one of the rules(or conditions) is comanying and being with that person for ever and until the end of the way! I mean you shouldn't leave him/her after some time, in the middle of the way.

Now, please improve the sentence.

 

[Tarheel]

Ha? No, it wasn't an exciting journey. Also, it was not a day's journey. It lasted 40 days (Arvayean= 40th day).

Forget about "every moment". I deleted it. Please rewrite the last strange part.

No, I I didn't mean the whole journey lasted a day. I meant they could see Karbala when they were still a day away. (I don't know if that was really true.)

 

[Tarheel]

"The condition of companionship is passing to the end of path."
This sentence is really strange. Please restate it.
I want to say that...
For a companionship, we should do lots of things, and one of the rules(or conditions) is comanying and being with that person for ever and until the end of the way! I mean you shouldn't leave him/her after some time, in the middle of the way.

Now, please improve the sentence.

For companionship a person will indeed do many things. For example, a man will take a woman to dinner so he can enjoy her company. (You might hope that she enjoys your company as much as you enjoy hers, but that might not be the case.)

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

I will walk with you all the way there. I will be with you from start to finish.

 

[Narkises]

No no no!
The most important thing is being with her, to the end! You shouldn't leave her in the middle of the way of life! Clear? The condition of true love and companionship is being with her and passing the whole way!!

The condition of companionship is passing to the end of way.