[Vocabulary] "I like fall because there is occasionally a gentle rain and a light and cool wind. B

ambitious-girl

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"I like fall because there is occasionally a gentle rain and a light and cool wind. B

Is the use of 'besides' correct here and is the cohesion of the sentences appropriate?

"I like fall because there is occasionally a gentle rain and a light and cool wind. Besides, the sky might be cloudy."
 
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bhaisahab

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Re: "I like fall because there is occasionally a gentle rain and a light and cool win

No, that doesn't work.
 

ambitious-girl

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Re: "I like fall because there is occasionally a gentle rain and a light and cool win

No, that doesn't work.
I think it is because there is not something surprising to put in the besides part.

How I can fix it?
Is the following correct?

I love fall. It has become my favorite season for years because I enjoy it when there is often a gentle rain and also a cool and light breeze blowing. Besides, I feel more lively, energetic and active during this season.
 

andrewg927

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Re: "I like fall because there is occasionally a gentle rain and a light and cool win

It's worse. I suggest you try to compress the OP into 1 sentence.
 

ambitious-girl

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Re: "I like fall because there is occasionally a gentle rain and a light and cool win

It's worse. I suggest you try to compress the OP into 1 sentence.
What does OP mean?
Which part is worse? My vocabulary, or my grammar?
 

andrewg927

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Re: "I like fall because there is occasionally a gentle rain and a light and cool win

OP means Original Post (post #1).

Your post 3 contains too many words. In post 1, your use of "besides" is awkward. Try to see if you can combine two sentences in post 1 into one sentence.
 

ambitious-girl

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Re: "I like fall because there is occasionally a gentle rain and a light and cool win

OP means Original Post (post #1).

Your post 3 contains too many words. In post 1, your use of "besides" is awkward. Try to see if you can combine two sentences in post 1 into one sentence.
I am trying to leave some words of post #3 out:
Fall has become my favorite season for years because there is often a gentle rain and light breeze blowing. Besides, I feel more energetic during this season.
 

emsr2d2

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Re: "I like fall because there is occasionally a gentle rain and a light and cool win

At least two responses have pointed out that "Besides" doesn't really work in this context. Just use "Also" or combine all the ideas into one sentence (which has also been suggested).
 

ambitious-girl

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Re: "I like fall because there is occasionally a gentle rain and a light and cool win

At least two responses have pointed out that "Besides" doesn't really work in this context. Just use "Also" or combine all the ideas into one sentence (which has also been suggested).
http://learnersdictionary.com/definition/besides
Two examples from Merriam Dictionary:

  • The play is excellent, and besides [=(more formally) furthermore, moreover], the tickets don't cost much.
  • I'm not ready to get married yet. Besides, I enjoy living alone.

Now, I don't know why I can't use 'besides' in my own example.
 
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andrewg927

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Re: "I like fall because there is occasionally a gentle rain and a light and cool win

Part of the reason why it is so difficult to fix your sentence is because the sentence somehow doesn't click with me. Something about it just doesn't make sense to me. Let's see what other people think.
 
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