IELTS Writing

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digitaldjs

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Hello to everyone

Cheers to all the people on this forum.

I'm going to take the IELTS exam and i'm aiming to get the band 7. I took the two sample test on the ielts website for the writing section which i'm pasting below. Please can someone tell me if there're any errors on these two letter and appoint them. Thank you very much

Task1 description and sample provided by the ielts website can be found here:
http://www.ielts-exam.net/general_writing_samples_task_1/676/

My work:

Dear Sir/Madam


My name is Bilhan Silva and I am a software developer, I have been developing softwares since I was 15 and I worked with different software houses in the past 10 years.

I saw the advertiesment you posted about your employement agency on the Sunday news paper. I am looking for a part-time job as a computer programmer and would like to work preferably from 9 am to 14 pm. This is because I have another part time contract with a company for which I’m working in the evening.

I am a very skilled person and certified by Microsoft as a professional application developer. I have a good set of skills in developing applications for various platforms including Windows, web and mobile. I have experience in working with large teams as well as working alone and I am able to write documentations and testing softwares.

If you need futher details please don’t hesitate to contact me on my mobile number.

Yours sincerely,
Bilhan Silva.

Task2 description and sample provided by the ielts website can be found here:
http://www.ielts-exam.net/IELTS-Writing-Samples/IELTS_Sample_Writing_General_Task_2_1.pdf
My Work:

Nowadays computers became a part of everyday life. Children spend time with the computer as much as adults do or may be even more. While using a computer in childhood opens the doors for a future digital life style it brings some negative effects as well.

I tend to agree that using a computer for a prolonged time in the childhood can cause more harm than any benefit. Spending lot of time infront of a computer can cause vision impairment as well as problems with the posture.

Another problem related using the computer is the fact that more time you spend with the computer less time you have for physical excersices, this means in the long term it is going to cause problems with the heart, colesterol and possibly the diabetics. The children who spent more time with the computer tends to be less social. This can cause family problems and other problems related to a social life.

Another issue related with the computers is that everything is connected to the internet. While internet is a huge knowladge base for learning it has an evil side as well. Parents have the duty to constantly keep an eye on what their children watching and with who they are talking on the internet.

A good solution to adopt for these problems is the use of a parental control. On the net, there are free parental controls for the computers and for the mobile devices. But the people should take in to mind that installing a parental control is not the total solution for every problem and parents have always the responsibility for the future of ther children.

With the evolution of the digital life style, it is inevitable that we will be connected with the computers even more in the future. But everything has to be well balanced to have a physically and socially healthy life.
 

HenryLin

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Thanks for sharing this information here, as it will going to help to those people who are looking for making their writing skill work properly.
 
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