The differences of attitude toward employment between the old and young generations

Azilon

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This is my essay. I would like you to correct my mistakes and any weird expression.

I have identified three differences in terms of attitude toward employment between the young generation and the old generations. The old generation is really competitive while the young generation tends to be more cooperative and willing to work as a team member. The other difference is that the old generation is more obedient at work compare to the young generation. Final difference is that the old generation is more hard-working and doesn't mind working for long hours while the young generation wants a more balanced life. After enumerating the differences I want to propound some reasons to these differences. The old generation grew up in more difficult conditions and they had to stand on their own legs relatively from early ages. Moreover the employers had more power on their employees at the old generation's time. On the other hand the young generation today doesn't face with these challenges. They take responsiblity for their own life in relatively later ages. They are supported by their parents. In addition to that with the advanced technology and globalization, employees aren't as fixed as used to. They can travel among continents. In short the difficult conditions made the old generation develop a more serious attitude toward employment while the easier conditions made the young generation more relaxed.
 

emsr2d2

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Please use the Edit facility to ensure that your text runs all the way across to the right-hand limit of the text box. You should be able to get quite a lot more words per line in as you have.
 

Azilon

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What you wrote is just one paragraph, not an essay. Are you practising for some test?
I study English by myself. I am thinking taking TOEFL.
 

emsr2d2

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Please use the Edit facility to ensure that your text runs all the way across to the right-hand limit of the text box. You should be able to get quite a lot more words per line in as you have.
I've done it for you, Azilon. You clicked "Like" on post #3 but failed to make the requested changes. Make sure you use the full width of the text box from now on.
 

Azilon

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I've done it for you, Azilon. You clicked "Like" on post #3 but failed to make the requested changes. Make sure you use the full width of the text box from now on.
Thanks a lot. I will.
 

teechar

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I study English by myself. I am thinking of taking TOEFL.
Can you give us the exact question/prompt for the above essay? How many words are you expected to write?
 

Azilon

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Can you give us the exact question/prompt for the above essay? How many words are you expected to write?
I wrote my opinions about the heading as a paragraph.
 

emsr2d2

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By "heading", do you mean "thread title"? If so, is your thread title the prompt? If so, bear in mind that it should appear in the main body of your text as well.
 

Tdol

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You have to stand on your own two feet, not your legs.
 

teechar

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I have identified three differences in terms of attitude toward employment between the young generation and the old generation. First, [ 1] The old generation is older people are really competitive while the young generation tend to be more cooperative and willing to work as team members. The other difference is that the old generation is more obedient at work compared to the young generation. The final difference is that the old generation is older individuals are more hard-working and doesn't don’t mind working for long hours, while/whereas the young generation youth of today want a more balanced life. [ 2] After enumerating the differences I want to propound There are some reasons to for these differences. The old generation grew up in more difficult conditions and they had to stand on their own legs feet from a relatively from early age. s. Moreover the employers in the past had more power on over their employees. at the old generation's time. On the other hand the young generation today doesn't isn’t faced with these challenges. They take responsiblity for their own life in Many are financially supported by their parents, and they typically become independent relatively late in life. later ages. They are supported by their parents. In addition, to that with the advanced thanks to modern technology and globalization, workers are much more mobile than in the past. employees aren't as fixed as used to. They can travel among to all continents, in search of better employment opportunities. In short the difficult conditions made the old generation develop a more serious attitude toward employment, while the easier conditions of today made the young generation more relaxed.
[ 1]: Instead of repeating the same phrases (e.g. “old generation”), you can vary your expressions a bit.

[ 2]: That’s too formal and almost unnatural. It certainly does not fit with the overall level of formality of that paragraph.
 

Azilon

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[ 1]: Instead of repeating the same phrases (e.g. “old generation”), you can vary your expressions a bit.

[ 2]: That’s too formal and almost unnatural. It certainly does not fit with the overall level of formality of that paragraph.
Thanks for your corrections. I didn't expect that many mistakes. I learned a lot.
 

Tarheel

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Say:

I didn't think I had made that many mistakes.
 

teechar

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Say:

I didn't think I had made that many mistakes.
Right, but the OP's version isn't wrong.
Also say: "I've learned a lot". We use the present perfect here because the action (learning) is recent and still relevant to the present time.
 

Tarheel

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"I didn't expect that many mistakes" seems to me to be like "I didn't expect that to happen" or "I didn't expect it to take so long" or something like that. In other words, the speaker is not an actor but an observer. (My opinion.)
 
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