though rare but epiploic appendicitis if present

[suprunp]

So we suggest that though rare but epiploic appendagitis if present may closely mimic acute appendicitis and should be looked for if the appendix is found normal per-operatively.
(Torsion of the epiploic appendix: An unusual cause of acute abdomen; Journal of Minimal Access Surgery)

Does the part in bold sound OK?

How would it sound if I changed it a little bit:

"So we suggest that though rare but if present epiploic appendagitis may closely mimic acute appendicitis and should be looked for if the appendix is found normal per-operatively."

Thanks.

 

[5jj]

Both are awkward with the 'though' and 'but'. I'd say:

So we suggest that epiploic appendagitis, though rare, may, if present, closely mimic...

 

[BobSmith]

[AmE - not a teacher]

Yeah, this is a case where the commas are needed but become ridiculous. I think it should be rewritten altogether. Maybe:

Epiploic appendagitis is rare, but if it presents, [strike]we suggest that[/strike] it may closely mimic acute appendicitis and should be looked for if the appendix is found normal per-operatively.

I don't think the "we suggest" part is really needed either.