[Grammar] with regard to

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Muktha_Rushu

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Could you please correct the sentences below.

Hello, This is Muktha here. I am calling with regard to the job advertised on your site on 12-07-17. Ms. Jia from your office could not reach me on my mobile so she has emailed me to contact the office to discuss about this application.Could I please speak to her?
 

emsr2d2

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Could you please correct the sentences below.

Hello, this is Muktha ​Rushu. [STRIKE]here.[/STRIKE] I am calling with regard to the job advertised on your site on [STRIKE]12-07-17[/STRIKE] the twelfth of July. Ms. Jia from your office could not reach me on my mobile so she [STRIKE]has[/STRIKE] emailed me asking me to contact the office to discuss [STRIKE]about[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]this[/STRIKE] my application. Could I please speak to her?

See above. I have corrected it based on the fact that it's a phone call. You wouldn't say "12-07-17".

Is there any reason you need to give this much information in the first instance? I would expect the dialogue to go something like this:

Receptionist: Good afternoon. Twendle Industries. How can I help you?
You: Good afternoon. May I speak to Ms Jia please?
Receptionist: Certainly. What is your name?
You: Muktha Rushu.
Receptionist: OK. I'm putting you through to Ms Jia now.
(Pause)
Ms Jia: Hello.
You: Good afternoon, Ms Jia. My name is Muktha Rushu. You emailed me asking me to contact you regarding my application for the vacancy for a [job title], advertised on the twelfth of July.

Etc ...
 

Muktha_Rushu

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Thank you very much Sir. I am supposed to call this person tomorrow.
 

emsr2d2

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Thank you very much​. [STRIKE]Sir.[/STRIKE] I am supposed to call this person tomorrow.

Please don't refer to users here as "Sir". Not only is it overly formal but it also suggests that you assume we are all male. We are not.

You say "I am supposed to call this person tomorrow". Are you actually going to phone her?
 

Muktha_Rushu

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Yes. I am going to phone her today.
 

emsr2d2

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Saying "I am supposed to phone her tomorrow" suggested to me that you were still debating whether to phone her or not. If you had already decided that you would phone, you needed to say "I am going to phone her tomorrow" (as you did with "today" in post 5.)

How did the phone call go?
 
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Muktha_Rushu

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I couldn't get through the telephone interview.
 

Rover_KE

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:-( Better luck next time.
 

Muktha_Rushu

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